Cure for the itch….

I wasn’t planning on doing this blog; I wasn’t planning on writing again until Monday, or Tuesday. I wanted to leave my readers with the first two blogs that I wrote. I wanted to give them the time to soak them in, and really think about what they mean. I drafted up the 3rd and final part to the series of “Unfinished thoughts” before going out last night, and I’ve been thinking about when right time to post it would be…

Then tonight happened….

It’s 5 am local time, and I’m sitting awake in front of my MacBook with a million thoughts running through my mind. I’m sitting here trying to wrap my brain around this persistent insomnia that keeps me up night after night. I’m sitting here, wondering if tonight will be the night where I will finally catch a break, and be able to get more then a couple hours of sleep…. I’m sitting here after a night of beer, wings, and good company just wondering………

Wondering & Thinking…

Maybe it’s not insomnia that’s keeping me awake.

Maybe it’s an itch I have deep in my soul that I haven’t been able to scratch.

Maybe it’s a frustration that’s been buried deep inside begging me to cut it loose…

I’m 26 years old, and I’m starting, scratch that, I’ve always had a desire for more. I’ve always been the guy that’s put in the over-time at work to make a bit more cash, or the guy that would drop everything in a moments notice for those closest to him. I’ve always been the guy to make sacrifices for the “greater good” as they say…to believe that what you put in, is what you’ll get in return…

I’m sitting here… I’m sitting here as a guy who has everything he wants out of life, wanting more… I’m sitting here as a guy who will be traveling to Cuba hopefully in a months time, and New York a little after that thinking what else is there? Why am I not satisfied?

I’m sitting here wondering if I’ll ever have the courage to tell people sometimes I just want to leave it all behind, and hop on a train, or a bus, and travel across North America. To just pack a backpack with the bare essentials that I think I’ll need and hit the open road…I could definitely afford it. It’s not the money that’s the issue….

I’m sitting here wondering if my dream to one day live in New York, or Los Angeles, or even in Florida will ever become a reality…

I’m sitting here wondering when the day will come that I’ll no longer be the “Ted Mosby” of my social group… The single guy who’s standing still while his friends lives move ahead at an alarming rate in comparison… Marriages, promotions…. dreams coming true. I’m sitting here wondering when I’ll be able to stop being the guy who puts on a smile, and stands there and celebrates with them, all the while feeling miserable deep down inside…

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit jealous…I’d lying if I said I wasn’t happy for them, because I am. I think you’d be lying too if you said you have never felt that way….

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sitting here regretting typing these thoughts right now but I am….

Where is Mrs. Right?

Am I destined to leave in this city forever?

I’m torn between two worlds…. I’m torn between my family, and friends and a desire to just be free… A desire to just roam this continent without having to explain myself, or my thoughts.

I’m torn, and for once in my life I don’t know what’s next…

Will this be the catalyst for change? Will this moment right here, right now inspire the next decision I make?

Time will tell…. I feel as though the road ahead is about to become a bumpy one…

– Andrew

*This blog was written and posted without hesitation, and without being edited or proofread.*

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